The Number Field

Welcome, Get Rich Slowly readers! I hope you're not expecting sage financial advice. I mostly write about the joys and difficulties of family life, with occasional musings about parenting and digressions into funny pictures.

Here are some of my favorite posts from the past year:

• Big Ball of String
• Yard Sales
• Daddy's iPod
• First Campout
• Toddler Critical Theory
• Value of Thrift
• Digital Preservation
• Small Traditions
• Toddler Hacks
• Things Elena Likes

And here are some funny pictures: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

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When I started my first real job last year, Jenny and I knew that it was time to be serious about making grown-up decisions that we had previously avoided, like making a will, getting life insurance, and buying a house. We still don't have a will, but every month we're closer to our house goal. As for life insurance, we're finally close to having the coverage in place. It's taken more time and effort than I had hoped, but I'm happy with how things have turned out.

As with many things, Jenny provided the driving force that started the process. Despite growing evidence to the contrary, I still have some youthful sense of invincibility and don't feel the same sense of urgency that she does. She entered our contact information on an online form that promised to pass it along to three or four local agents. The agents that contacted her seemed nice enough, so she scheduled some meetings.

This was where we hit a bump in the road. I've spent considerable time educating myself about financial topics (mostly by reading blogs and other online forums), so I knew that we wanted a term life policy, not whole or universal or anything like that. I also knew that term life has low commissions, so many agents try hard to sell those other products. Even though I knew what was going to happen and was ready to say no, it was hard for me to keep my cool when the agents started in on their sales pitch.

Their favorite opening argument: term life is like renting, whole life is more like owning. It's a ridiculous non sequitur , and even if it wasn't I would prefer never to 'own' insurance--I fully intend to grow out of the need by having enough savings to effectively self-insure. In other words, I prefer to separate my insurance and investment needs. Furthermore, we currently rent our home because it makes financial sense for us, and will continue to do so until purchasing a home makes sense from a consumption (not investment) point of view, so their analogy is particularly inept for us. The worst thing was when they tried to make a 'personal connection' with me by appealing to 'the math' or 'the numbers' because I'm a 'numbers guy.' It was pretty easy for us not to call them back after the initial appointments.

I felt sorry for Jenny, who had to watch her efforts stall and probably felt at times that I was angry at her--I wasn't, I just had to blow off some steam after those meetings. I wanted to lift the burden off her, so I checked out a website I had heard good things about--it's run by a company that specializes in term life--and used them to find an agent. I initiated contact with him, and from the very first asked him not to attempt to sell us anything other than term. He responded that he understood my sentiments, and was happy to fulfill that request. Jenny also wanted to try one more agent from her search. We met with her and decided she would have been fine, but we just had a better feeling about the guy that had come up in my search.

Working with our agent has been great. He always has well-thought-out answers to my questions, and helped us to figure out the coverage and term we needed in a very respectful, non-pushy way. He's made working through the process quite easy--when I'm slow to take some required action, he sends an email or makes a reminder call, but it's never too much. We've traded all the paperwork over email, which for us is far more convenient than fax. I feel comfortable with him as our agent for the long term--I trust him to put our best interests first if we ever want to change our coverage. I'm glad that we shouldn't have to rethink that decision, because finding the right agent really was the hardest part of the process.

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In some respects, this has been our first full-fledged Halloween celebration. Elena and I carved a pumpkin as a Family Home Evening activity last week. She helped scoop out the seeds, then chose the shapes for the eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. I added a few flourishes and details while executing the design. Tonight we went to a little Halloween party , then did our first real trick or treating from house to house. Our friends had invited us to their neighborhood, so while we were driving I instructed Elena on how to be as cute as possible, with a big smile and some head bobbing. She practiced for the rest of the drive.

There seemed to be fewer children out than I would have expected, based on my own childhood memories from a similar neighborhood. Is it just the distortions of memory, or is it really true, as some people claim, that there's less tricking and treating going on these days? That would be a shame--I remember Halloween as a time when the motivation of candy acquisition engaged me imaginatively and analytically, helping me to grow in both dimensions. During one of my prime Halloweening years, when I was probably ten or eleven years old and very into bows and arrows, I sewed my own Robin Hood costume. I spent hours planning my route, even drawing an elaborate map of the neighborhood looking for ways to reach the most houses in the limited time before I had to be home. I see the beginnings of my current self-image in those formative youthful expressions of personality and capability. If not for Halloween and other things like it, would I be the same person today?

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I wanted Jenny to have an especially good birthday this year. She's so good to me, Elena, and Roman that she deserves a far bigger celebration than I could ever put together. Thanks to some of our friends, we all had a birthday weekend to remember.

The planning started during the summer when I contacted several of Jenny's friends from Texas and elsewhere to let them know of my plans and invite them to visit. All of them would have liked to come, but the logistics only worked out for Amy, Christine, and Vivian. Everyone I contacted honored my request not to let Jenny know, which was an important element of my plan.

I scheduled a different birthday surprise as a decoy: tickets for Les Miserables at the Kennedy Center. I hoped it would stay secret for longer than it did, but Jenny opened the credit card statement showing the purchase. After that she knew where we were going, but didn't figure out what the show was until someone else mentioned it in casual conversation. We went to the show last Wednesday, and it was incredible. We had a great time--if that had been the main component of the birthday celebration, it would have made Jenny very happy. Thanks to Gran Ann for babysitting so late.

The friends were due to arrive the next day, but a last-minute text message from Vivian expressed her regrets--she was not feeling well, and wouldn't be able to make the trip. I was disappointed, but hopefully we can figure out a way to see her soon. Our other two guests made it into town just fine, and even though they had never met before, had a great time together. One amazing coincidence was that Gran Ann was leaving town for the weekend, and she needed to be at the airport at the same time that Amy's plane was scheduled to land. They agreed to meet on the curbside so that Amy and Christine would have the use of a car for the weekend and Gran Ann wouldn't have to park.

Surprisingly, everything went exactly according to plan and they made it to our house in time for dinner. Jenny wasn't home--she had gone off to a consignment sale--so Amy and Christine helped me wrangle the kids. Elena loved having visitors; we played several rounds of Duck, Duck, Goose and Hide and Seek, all while Amy held Roman to keep him from crying. Jenny figured out that something was up when I repeatedly asked when she would be home. When Jenny finally arrived, Amy and Christine hid in the kitchen while I greeted her at the door. They finally popped into view, and Jenny's first impression was "who are those people that look like Amy and Christine, and what are they doing in my kitchen?" She had a hard time believing that they had come for the sole purpose of visiting her, but it sunk in as they stayed up and chatted late into the night.

We filled Friday up with activities. In the morning I watched Elena and Roman while Jenny and friends visited the spa. After they got home it was off to the zoo for the afternoon. This time Christine was the baby whisperer, carrying Roman and keeping him quiet for most of our trip. Many of the animals were out even though the weather was cool, and Elena loved seeing them all. She liked the elephants, pandas, and otters, but really fell in love with the big cats. We saw the lions and tigers right at the beginning, but Elena wanted to see a leopard. I saw cheetahs listed on the map but couldn't find a leopard, so we were all excited when we came around a corner and saw the leopard's area. It was pacing in the back corner of its habitat, but we got at least a few good looks.

The worst part of visiting the zoo was the traffic, both coming and going, but that frustration was mitigated by the fact that we got free parking due to a broken credit card machine at the parking lot exit. Roman and I drove home alone so that nobody else would have to put up with his crying, as we had stretched the interval between his meals longer than we should have. Once we got home, Jenny tended to Roman while I worked on dinner for everyone else. We were soon joined by Leisa and Sam. In addition to their desire to celebrate Jenny's birthday, they came up because Leisa is friends with Amy and hadn't seen her in a long time. At Jenny's request, we had authentic, traditional Beef Stroganov. Dinner came together quickly because everybody pitched in to help--stroganov is a dish that requires lots of chopping--but we all appreciated the results. After dinner we opened some cards and presents. Amy was kind enough to bring things from her family to all of us, including books for Jenny, a purse and accessories for Elena, and a soothing-noises giraffe for Roman.

With dessert I redeemed myself for last year's debacle by presenting a functional, fully-frozen ice cream cake. Elena helped me to make it during the week; it's amazing how much better everything holds together when it's all done in advance and not thrown together at the last minute. Now that I have the basics down, I think that more ice cream cakes may be in our future.

Elena went to bed after we ate cake, but the rest of us stayed up and played games. After a few rounds of Bananagrams , Leisa and Sam headed home and the rest of us started in on a game of Settlers of Catan . Jenny played a very strategic game from the very beginning and ended up with the win, although I like to think that I helped because I played a couple of her turns while she tended to Roman.

We got a late start on Saturday, because everyone needed a rest after the previous two late nights. We were joined by another set of guests, as Jenny's family drove up to visit. Amy and Christine were due to fly out that afternoon, so we had to get the most out of the few hours we had remaining. We decided on two activities: lunch at our favorite, Matthew's Pizza , and visit to the go-kart track that we drive by every day. Elena chose me as her go-kart companion, and made sure that we didn't go too fast around the corners. We had a lot of fun before it was time to take Amy and Christine to the airport. That evening we relaxed, as Grandma Nancy took care of Elena and Mark and Shaun made dinner.

All in all, it was a wonderful birthday weekend for all of us. I don't think I'll be able to top it next year, but maybe I'll try.

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Elena had her first appointment with the dentist this week, and it was a good experience for her. Jenny found a very friendly dentist with a solo practice very close to our house. She scheduled an appointment for herself first to check it out, then was happy enough to schedule appointments for Elena and me. My exam didn't go as well as I had hoped--although my gums are fine and I have no new cavities, there are signs of decay underneath my old fillings, which means I'll be spending more time in the chair over the next weeks and months. There's still hope for Elena; my bad teeth provide a strong motivation for us to work to instill good dental care habits in her while she's just a toddler.

When it was Elena's turn to go to the exam room she got to choose one parent to come with her. I was the winner, which meant that I got to see all the fun ways the dentist introduced her equipment. She called the sprayer a water pistol and even shot it across the room. Then she let Elena spray the water into a cup and clean it up with 'Mr. Thirsty' the suction tube. She used a special 'tooth counter' to see how many teeth were in Elena's mouth (twenty) and do a brief exam on each one, then she got out the 'tooth tickler' to clean them.

Elena was a perfect patient. She opened her mouth wide whenever the dentist asked her to, and kept it open for as long as she needed. She didn't get scared, even though the equipment made funny noises and the exam chair was much higher in the air than an average chair. At the end of the appointment, she picked a ring out of the treasure basket, but since she did such a great job the dentist gave her an extra treasure. I'm not sure how it happened, but Elena also scored an extra toothbrush for baby Roman, even though he doesn't have any teeth yet.

After the appointment the dentist shared some thoughts with us. Elena's teeth are healthy, which is good to hear after all the effort we put into brushing them every night. The dentist noticed and commented on Elena's tongue thrust, recommending speech therapy. We've known about that issue for a long time and told her that Elena was already in a program. Most surprisingly, she said that straws would be good for her development because they teach proper tongue placement. Elena likes straws, so that will be an easy suggestion to implement. With that good experience under her belt, Elena will certainly look forward to returning to the dentist several months from now.

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Some people call a baby's first three months of life 'the fourth trimester'--these are the times that try mens' souls. I must have baby amnesia about how hard it was at this time with Elena; all Jenny remembers is that at two months suddenly everything got better, from which she infers that we must have been having a hard time before that. The first glimmer of hope I can see is that Roman now has multiple modes of communication.

Roman cries with great fervor and volume. Many times he cries because he's hungry--it's easy to figure out when that's the cause with a quick look at the clock. But there are also several hours in the early evening that we call his 'crying time,' when he cries inconsolably for no particular reason. If we're lucky, we can get him to sleep through part of this time, like when I took him for a vigorous walk in the stroller one day. Other times, we take him in our arms and suffer through as well as we can, thinking of better times ahead.

Roman's expressive smiles are one sign of those better times to come. When he's well-rested and has a full tummy and clean diaper, he's very generous with smiles to all of us, including his big sister. His whole face lights up, and when he's really feeling happy his whole body starts to wiggle. Just in the past day or two he's demonstrated pre-laughter. He gets a big smile when I tickle him and starts to breathe differently, although so far his squeals are mostly noiseless.

After smile time we practice talking. He has started to coo, and likes it when we imitate him in our response. He also likes to hear us make different sounds, and tries to repeat them back to us, but only has limited success. To me it looks like he's trying to summon the right noises from deep inside, but can't quite figure out how to get them out. All that hard work tires him out quickly, but when he's tired like that he usually goes to sleep with only a mercifully small amount of fussing.

I read about a study into how people deal with traumatic experiences. The researchers found that writing about traumatic experiences helped those who had been through the events to have a increased well-being. Times are sometimes tough with baby Roman, but finding time to write about things does give me distance and perspective to cope.

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With the onset of fall comes the realization that the holiday season is just around the corner. There are things that we want to do during this special time of the year, and we need to prepare for them now. We're starting to work in earnest on our annual Christmas packages, making travel plans, and drafting a list of presents for Elena.

It's also a time when we turn our thoughts to those who are in need. This year Jenny has a unique opportunity to help in a significant way. Every year our church congregation assembles and delivers the supplies for a complete Thanksgiving dinner, turkey included, to as many families as we can; this year our target is to make a hundred such Thanksgiving baskets. This year Jenny was asked to head up the coordinating committee for this effort. She's already had a couple of meetings, and it's clear that the project represents a substantial commitment of her time and effort for the next six weeks.

Making a hundred Thanksgiving baskets takes a lot of supplies. Each one will contain:

• 1 10-12 lb turkey
• 2 boxes of Macaroni and Cheese
• 2 cans of green beans
• 2 boxes of stuffing
• 2 cans of corn
• 1 box of brownie mix
• 1 lb of butter
• 1 package of marshmallows
• 1 can cranberry sauce
• 1 can pumpkin pie filling
• 1 wrapped pie crust
• 1 can of sweet potatoes
• 1 baking pan (big enough for the turkey
• 1 laundry basket

It takes more than just the members of our local congregation to donate all the supplies; today everyone was asked to invite their friends and neighbors to contribute to the effort. Donations can be of items, money (mostly for turkeys), or time (to assemble and deliver the baskets). If you're a regular reader of the blog, especially one who lives nearby, and want to contribute to this project in any way, please leave a comment or contact me directly. It would mean a lot to Jenny and me, and even more to the recipients of the baskets.

Giving to charity can be a tricky business. It's something that we should do, and want to do--there's always a good feeling that accompanies giving freely. But there are just enough mental and physical barriers to keep it from happening as much as it should. How do we even know that our contributions are going to be used properly, and actually do good for those who need it, and not to waste or administrative overhead?

As I see Jenny work on this project, I gain more confidence in encouraging people to participate in this particular program. She and her committee donate significant amounts of their time and effort so that 100 percent of donations can go directly to the recipients. They work with guidance counselors from local schools to identify the families that will receive the baskets. Assembly and delivery takes place in a blur the Saturday before Thanksgiving, and the people that receive the baskets are truly grateful. If you're looking for an easy way to do and feel good, to be part of a project that's big enough to be substantial but still small enough to know that your contribution is a critical part of fulfilling the project goals, this is a worthy cause. Please contact me for more details.

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